Events and Knews

The SORCE's Inaugural War on Poker Machines Handicap
5km Cross Country
Saturday 5th May 2007
Stuart Park, North Wollongong

Fellow SORCE-ers.

The Board of Directors is proud to announce that the first ever official SORCE event went off on the afternoon of Saturday 5th May 2007, without a hitch (or as the French say, "sans hitch").

10 enthusiastic, and possibly hungover, runners turned up to Wollongong North Beach on a beaut looking afternoon and did the handicappers proud by finishing within a two minute standard deviation of each other.

Our first potential female member ever, Hannah Lee, started off scratch and maintained that lead to win line honours ahead of a fast finishing Alex "DJ-Price Cuts" Price. Third over the line was Mick "MF" Fallon, in his first race in four years.

The fastest over the 5 km cross country course was Executive Director Julian "Jules" Fitzpatrick, in a course record of 16:07.Next quickest was Paul "Wiedo" Wiedersehn, who also surpassed his predicted time and still managed to give Executive Director Russell "Risky Business" Dessaix-Chin a slap on the arse as he passed him by within the first 2.5km. Russ recovered from the shock to bring home the bacon for the back markers with the third fastest time of the day, 17:35.

At least four members of the admiring public were heard to comment openly on the muscular physiques and blatant sexual attractiveness of all competitors, with many a compliment also turned in the direction of the volunteer timekeepers and recorders, Megan Anderson (nee Williams) and Claire Williams (her knees are ok)*. The SORCE would also like to comment on the overwhelming and distracting sexiness of our timekeepers and thank them profusely for their unpaid help (we did bribe them with wine and other beverages).

All in all the inaugural event was enjoyed immensely by everyone and the pledge was made to do this type of thing more often. So, by jingo, by crikey, it will happen. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen.

Thank you once again to all competitors and timekeepers for your participation and help, and with the help from the dark lords of running, we shall hold another event in the very near future...until then stay fit and remember to "cours sans chemise"!

MF Inaugural

Mick "MF" Fallon strides out during the Inaugural Handicap. (More photos)

Official Results:

Line Honours...

1. Hanna Lee
2. Alex Price
3. Mick Fallon
4. Jules Fitzpatrick
5. Aaron Anderson
6. Steve Locke
7. Russell Dessaix-Chin
8. Paul Wiedersehn
9. Nathan Bouvery
10. Ben Allen

Overall Times...

1. Jules Fitzpatrick    = 16:07
2. Paul Wiedersehn      = 17:27
3. Russell Dessaix-Chin = 17:35
4. Alex Price           = 18:27
5. Steve Locke          = 18:35
6. Aaron Anderson       = 18:38
7. Mick Fallon          = 19:23
8. Ben Allen            = 19:27
9. Hanna Lee            = 23:18
10. Nathan Bouvery      = 23:48

The SORCE'S Inaugural Beer Mile
Saturday 24th May 2008
Stuart Park, North Wollongong

What an amazing day for the SORCE. To celebrate the beginning of Executive Director Russ' fourth decade, the SORCE decided to hold an event that had been talked about for many a board meeting. A Beer Mile incorporates two of the more important philosophies of the SORCE, namely, Drinking and Running (not necceassarily in that order, but then again...).

A Beer Mile consists of 4 x 402m laps, whereupon before the commencement of each of the four aforementioned laps the participating athlete must scull a beer, or similar alcohol based beverage, then proceed on their (increasingly) merry way. The winner, of course, is the one who finishes first. If the consumed beverage somehow finds its way back out during the proceedings, then a penalty lap must be completed.

The day of the Beer Mile could not have been more perfect. Clear blue skies, an enthusiastic crowd of spectators - and the enthusiasm of the participants? It was of a level not seen since The Reject Shop had a run-out sale on paper clips.

The winner of the event was none other than Executive Director of the SORCE, Jules (7:28), who ran an intelligent and purposeful race to overcome an excitable Junior Officer, who had lead the thing for three gut-wrenching laps. But on the final circumnavigation of the park, Scotangerous found his early frantic drinking exploits come back to haunt him, and could only watch in despair as Jules overhauled him in the drinking zone and set off for the finish line. Jules himself had a scare as he headed for immortality, with Alex "DJ Price-Cuts" making a desperate effort to catch the leader on the back 200m. The crowd could only watch in open mouthed admiration as DJ Price-Cuts narrowed the gap at an impressive rate, then winced as the Bear woke up, dusted itself off, and jumped firmly onto Price-Cuts' back. Nevertheless, Price-Cuts (7:32) held it together to finish in a glorious silver medal position. Might we add, that he achieved all this in a full-length, bright yellow Chicken suit. OK, we might. Our early front runner Scotangerous (7:41) held off a challenge from Daniel "Apesey" Riley (8:25) to still finish on the podium.

In the Ladies section of the Beer Mile we had four exceedingly lovely examples of Feminity battling it out for the silverware. Unfortunately for one of the girls, Jennifer "Jen" Smith, the selection of Alcopops as her beverage for the race turned out to not be as advantageous as she had previously thought. Delicious maybe, but hell on her stomach. Jen was forced to pull out of the race, leaving the order of podium places to be the only debate. Susan "Soozy" Dimmock (13:48) took advantage of her rival's discomfort to skip away for a memorable victory (although she can't remember much from the afternoon after that) over Emily "Em" Hermiele (18:29) and Lindsay "Linds" Singler (30:05), all the way from the U S of A. It really should be noted, however, that young Em was carrying her family with her for the duration of the event. Well, two of them, her twin boys, anyway.

You would think that this report ends here wouldn't you?

But nay, controversy follows the SORCE every step that it takes (well not really, but we really would appreciate it if someone did start something, we need the attention). Later on in the afternoon, three likely fellas showed up late, due to various other committments, and expressed a great desire to participate in a retrospective heat of the Beer Mile. A hurried board meeting ensued, and the decision to hold a repercharge was met with glee by the crowd of drunks who had magically replaced the crowd of athletes from the morning.

Ben "Benno" Allen, Michael "MF" Fallon and Paul "Weedo" Wiedersehn lined up at approximately 4pm on this fateful day, to try their hands (and feet) at the Beer Mile. In the end, it was Weedo (6:39) who showed his true calling as an Athlete/Drinker, content with not only annihilating poor MF and Benno, he also smashed the club record previously held by Jules. It had survived for a paltry three hours before it was lost to the ages forevermore. Lucky it wasn't DJ Price Cuts' record, or we could have written a joke about it being a "poultry" three hours. The question now stood to be asked, and indeed it was: "Who was now the SORCE Beer Mile Champion? Jules or Weedo?" Heated debate raged for at least three minutes, before everyone realised they'd been drinking for some time now, and that we could discuss this in the morning...

...and we never did.

that chicken suit
This photo is pretty self-explanatory. See if you can spot the chicken though (More photos)

Congratulations and many thanks to all who participated, and that goes for ewes in the crowd too! Ewe all helped to make it a very special and memorable day.

Official Results (to come as soon as the tech guy sorts out how to attach an excel file)

Official Ode of the Beer Mile (to come as soon as the tech guy sorts out how to attach a word file)

Official Video (to come as soon as...well, you get the idea by now, surely)